heart break story!

its 1 in the morning,
am not sleepy enough to go to bed, neither am in the moood of having a usual BETHAK with my friends on appartment stairs.
its 26th of March 2008 now.
and probably, these might be the worst days of my life...
life has been screwing up my ass these days... and am soooo pissed off, feel like jumping off my 9th floor's balcony.

i have a feeling that i m jinxed. q?
pata nahein, am running out of words here... but i WILL blog this. why? because, if in future i ever forget this feeling, this post will be there to remind me...

it all started last week, just like resident evil, aik choti si ghalti, and then chain of incidents keep on occuring, bloody zombies munching on ur ass every now and then...
its almost the same, my FATE replaces the zombies here. i bet those zombies wud have been a li'l more merciful

all this what happened these days, was destined since last summer
when i fell into a crush.
i read in some URDU novel, banda phisalta to khubsurati ko dekh ker hee hey, mohabbat to baad mein hoti hey
i dont really know keh mujhey mohabbat hui ya nahein, but! phisla to mein tha
NED University
10 months.
10 MONTHS!

being very unsocial with girls, i accept i dont know how to approach a girl, and i thought internet might come in handy
after a couple of sessions, SHE BLOCKING me, ME HACKING into her account, UNBLOCKING me, it ended up, me being a dheet, and she being he lachaar.
though.. it was not a decent act, little hello-hi chat sessions got started.

khair, thats another side of the story...
but it got along quite smoothly till march 3rd week.

i had a coundown placed on my every single remindin device, for her bday, though i didnt need it. it was on my mind all the time!

then...
the weekend, the worst of my life started.
my car broke, got overloaded with digitaleyez stuff, hectic driving routines, paying guests ran away, marketing meetings, late night driving routines, and then... ran into some drunk police walas...
who smashed my car first, and then ME.
still an ear of mine, is part deaf!
the very next day, Public Relation stuff, subah 8:00 baje se

UIT
SSUET
NED - 5 departments
KU- 2 Depts
KSA
SBS
CAMS
Aptech
Arena
IBA
then
park towers for lunch..
a hectic day it was
and thats the place where the real shit started happening...
the flower boutique there... had the most beautiful flowers, i have ever seen in my life, on display.
i bought them right away, and dispatched to HER, on the birthday. the intentions were just to give her a surprise, and the obvious happened. it became a disaster for her.
i have NO idea, how can i ever act this lame, this in-decent.
pata nahein, how bad the scene wud have gone at her place.
i hope she didnt cry...
it makes me feel sooo bad, it stabs my soul just to imagine her crying.
her mother called up, scolded me, i reacted in the most decent way i cud, and gave my apologies.
i never intended to humiliate anyone, or make fun of her.
that moment, i was in a shock, tried to call back then, but no one answered the call.
the very thing i found was, she deleted me from each and every socilizing community on internet, blocked me, and deleted me.
it was all expected...
i had this strange feeling since then... her cousin comes to me in campus today, aur bharam karata hey, i can do nothing in reply... coz i m the illict one here

i tried to give her an apology call, but she doesnt even want to talk, her male friend said, keh stop bothering her, and leave her alone.

am left wid nothing to do..
i cant let it go like that...


i wish her best of luck in life.
i pray, she'll never cry again.

but i wont let go that easily..
maybe not now..
but in future...

GOD do the rest and the BEST!

-Stupid Stalker (failed)